Real friends don't cause Hot-Flashes

The day is over now. I have so many questions still unanswered. Still searching. Do we ever really stop searching? I spent the day with the man that I have hopelessly been in love with for the past two years. It was awkward, fun, nerve wracking, and breathtaking. I was supposed to go in having a plan, but as soon as I saw him i was dizzy, i was sweating, I got hot-flashes, I was nervous, I couldn't even think. We got lunch and sat down to talk, but my plan simply disintegrated within seconds of talking to him. What's going on? I asked myself. Why aren't you the smooth talker that you usually are? Where are all your usual witty and comical remarks? They vanished. I was stripped bare almost. I simply spoke whatever was in my mind I had no filter. What ever question or quirky remark I would usually say in my head I blurted out. What the hell?! I was supposed to tell him how much it hurt me that I had attempted to connect with him about a month ago twice and he decided not to respond at all in any way what so ever. Oh but no, i fell for his gorgeous blue eyes and his stupid charisma. I saw him today and I told him I was great that I am just fine, that my life is picking up. When the truth is, I have never felt so damn empty in my entire life. Yes high school is over, woohoo, and yes I am going to be going to college pretty soon and my life is going to be great. But I haven't exactly told anyone how I feel right now or what I've been trying to deal with for the last month. It's all  locked inside my safe. The one that no one can seem to crack in real life. It's fricking necessary for me to open up to someone at this point. I've been emotionless with this huge ass facade on my face telling and showing the world just how okay I am, when I'm not. I mean thinking now as to why I'm upset I can't exactly think of all these things but only how they make me feel and how i feel and all these things I've discovered. Today I was stranded at his house with no ride home. I had to ask for a ride home from my trainer who comes to my home to train me/ is my psychologist from time to time. None of my other friends wanted to. It wasn't important enough for them to listen to me. Where as if I had suddenly been abducted and beaten and was left on the side of the road, then yes all of them would have responded, "yes omg where are you? Are you okay?" I realized that I have no real friends. thats fucking sad. Yes I have cussed for the first time on this blog. But you know what this is ridiculous. Your real friends will be there no matter what for you. Your real friends will be there for yo no matter what. Your real friends would at least make some damn effort to make sure your okay. Even trying would be good! Even calling to make sure you still have a ride would be great! So do me a favor everyone, think very very hard, and ask yourself Would any of my friends that I have now do any of the above things for me? If not, then I suggest you start letting go of some excess weight.