College=Highschool?

College has officially started. The day that all 18 year olds go out on their own and lead their own lives. They are so excited to finally get their wings and leave the nest! Who wouldn't be? Well yours truly. I was very excited about leaving for college. Meeting all the new people, being who i want to be and doing anything i want. i wanted to leave home so badly. But on the way here with my best friend in the car, i was shaking. My driving skills definitely suffered. I was nervous beyond belief. My nerves were shot and I just had uncontrollable breathing. It was so odd. i was confused as to why the hell I was dreading this day this moment, and how I could be so damn emotional when I am going to the best part of my life! Eventually I got over it. But then I was emotional as hell. I wanted to cry every moment that I had. Did I cry? no. I have tried to open up to a couple girls but then again i don't know how they think I am coming off as. What if they say holy crap she's really fucking depressing. i mean i would expect guys to be all over me or whatever, like everyone said! But no. they weren't. I have no clue why. i don't really care anymore to be honest. i was all depressed and it got me no where at all. Instead I am becoming the inevitable sidekick or the chick that just follows people around. And i hate that. I don't want to be that. i want to be the leader or at least a fucking equal. But i am so paranoid all the time with what people think of me and how they perceive me or will perceive me. I am so shallow as well, I am insulting my roommate who is a very good person at heart God bless her soul, but we just do not get along that well. We have nothing in common really. i am more laid back where as she has no filter and is very rambunctious and loud. I mean as far as guys hah. There are 2. One is in my advisor group and I think he liked me until he saw my tattoo... FUCK. Whatever he can just be a good friend hopefully. But then at this dance thing/ social event there was this black guy and a white guy. The white guy was HOT. He's not too tall either! I think he likes me. He was watching me dance all night and stuff. And he put his arm around me too haha. He makes fun of my quirks and silliness and stuff. But then again I don't know. haha. i mean I think that most freshman guys are looking for a piece of ass the first week or so, hopefully I am not that. Which i think is the reason why no one is really going for me. i guess the older guys will be better when they get here. Because they seem to have their heads put on right. But I am definitely joining a society. I feel so unpopular. It's like fucking high school! SO DUMB. I refuse to be the fucking geeky or antisocial chick who just follows people around. Maybe when I go to a party it will really kick off. Whatever. I mean I have a whole year ahead of me so we'll see what happens.