Today,while procrastinating for my college placement tests, I was reading a book of quotes a friend gave me for my birthday, and I found this one,
« You do not need to leave your room…
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
Do not even listen, simply wait.
Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary.
The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet. »
- FRANZ KAFKA (1883-1924)
So what do you think I did ? I rushed downstairs, made some cookies, and drank some milk. But after my procrastination of my procrastinating, I went up to my room, got out paper, pen, and I sat, and listened. Well, more like, waited. No.
I sat. in quite solitude.
I let my thoughts float out onto the paper as they came.
If you are a singer, I think you will understand, and hopefully appreciate my words
…..I’m not saying what came out was good, bad, insigthful, meaningless, whatever, it just is what it is, so… here’s what happened…
How can I look for something I’ve never seen before ? How can I know something I’ve never felt ? Or…have i felt it?
I geuss you know it, because… you know it.
But, I have this…thing, in my spirit. An incling.
I keep going back to my internal 8-ball and uncovered from the blue liquid are the words-
« It is certain. »
Total focus. What is total focus? That state, that higher plane, naturally created by the minds endorphins, without the help of outside hallucinogens or circumstances.
That full feeling.
The deep sleep…or is it the deep awake ? Not taken backward from reality, from normal experience, but pushed deeper into it. To experience it with an extra sense. What your eyes take in, what your lungs, hot air, lips vibrate out. What your nerves and energy can feel, but also a sense of your spirit, of your abstract thoughts becoming tangible, solid, no, liquid, and touching the edge of everything.
I want to find this place. I think I found it once before…singing.
I was totally submerged in the depths of experience. Of focus. Bathing in it. But not needing to sink, no, float up to the surface for breaths of useless brain thinks like worry, past, or future.
When I found it, or when it found me, this is what I felt-
I feel the hot breath move through my throat organ , and the vibrations move from that place through my lips and face, then I feel the final product- sound
Fill my ears and back into my thoughts,
experiencing them simultaneously- double orgasm
than the emotion wells, springs from my soul, and fills in the colour
my black white contrast notes, are drenched in POP, dripping colors,
jewel tones, peach, green, violet, purple, red, indigo.
And every human has one, An instrument. Not barcoded and mass produced like a violen or a trumpet, but hand-made by the divine to fit your soul
Totally unique in the universe.
And anywhre you are, in the ocean, on top of a mountian, in the depths of a forest, on another fucking planet, you can play it.
It follows you wherever your soul goes.
Life is beautiful
It is BEAUTIFUL
-well, that’s all I feel like typing, and probably more than you feel like reading, haha : >
so goodnight.
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